Randall
Caselman
8-27-97
Type: Sermon
Closing The Loop – Learning To Forgive
Reading — Luke 6.35-38
Our Sunday evening series is on how to have happy homes. We’ve come to the subject of restoring broken relationships. You see, relationships are going to rupture, it is inevitable. We are going get bumped, we’re going get hurt, our feeling are going to be ruffled.
• A loved one betrays us.
• A parent rejects us.
• A neighbor avoids us.
• A friend lets us down again.
• A spouse refuses to understand.
• A child doesn’t call or come to visit.
• A brother or sister in Christ mistreats us.
We are all going be hurt from time to time. Offenses come in all shapes and sizes, but they all wound us emotionally. And we’ve tried to make these lessons relevant to everyone, by pointing out that we never get too old for relationships to rupture and our feelings to be hurt. If you think you are above this happening, you’re setting yourself up for a serious fall.
Last week we noted, that before we can heal these broken relationships, we must learn to deal with the anger that they generate. We learned that to properly control our anger, we must:
• Not express it,
• Not suppress it,
• But to process it by:
Going to the source, not somebody else, not to a third party, but to the person. Doing so immediately — We must not let the sun go down on our anger. And do so in truth and love — Anger must be dealt with in truth and in love.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not envy.
Love is not rude, irritable, or touchy.
Love is not easily angered.
Love keeps no record of wrongs... Love holds no grudges.
Love finds joy in truth.
Now, church, when we do this according to God’s pattern our success of putting broken relationships back together again is greatly increased.
What we want to deal with tonight is forgiveness. Even though we deal correctly with our anger, our broken relationships will never be put back together until we learn to forgive. We are all going be hurt... This is inevitable. The question is what will we do with our hurt? We must learn to forgive. Hurt opens the loop... Begins the conflict... Ruptures the relationship; and the only Biblical way to close this loop is by genuine New Testament FORGIVENESS. Are we willing?
Let me tell you some stories to illustrate the need and yet the difficulty of forgiveness.
Simon Wiesenthal tells this WWII story from his days as a prisoner in a German concentration camp. As a young Jew, he was cleaning an old barn the Germans had turned into a makeshift hospital. One morning a nurse took him upstairs where an SS soldier was dying. The soldier wanted a Jew... Any Jew, so that he could confess his sins and ask forgiveness. As Wiesenthal stood by the bed, the soldier clutched his hand and begins to tell his story. His battalion had herded several Jews into a two-story house, then gasoline was thrown on the building and lit. Then as people would run out of the doors or jumped from the windows, the Germans would shot them. He continued, I saw a man on the second floor with a small child in his arms. His clothing was afire. His wife stood beside him. The man covered the eyes of the child and jumped into the street below, the mother followed. We shot all three. The soldier said, it still haunts me, I can’t forget it... Please, Please forgive me... Please forgive me.
Question! What would you do?
How about this one? A husband and wife have three children. The wife had raised the children almost by herself as the husband struggled with a failing business. After the children were able to be on their own in the house, she took a job to provide food for the table. When her husband was down, tired, discourage; she was always there to help, even though she was exhausted herself. Then all of a sudden the failing business took off. The corporate ladder went straight to the top for the husband. In a frenzy of success, he leaves his wife for a young, hot secretary.
Question!! Could you forgive?
A young preacher comes to a small community. His love and care for people was infectious. People knew he loved the Lord and that he loved them. They too caught the love bug. As a result, the church begin to grow and grow. The spiritual family was happy. Then one powerful church leader, out of his own jealousy decided, he had had enough of this young preacher. He proceeded to railroad him out of town.
Question!! Do you forgive?
Listen, have you ever said these words or entertained thoughts like this:
• I understand what the Bible says about forgiveness, but he has hurt me so many times, I can’t forgive any more.
• I will forgive, but I assure you, I will not forget.
• I will forgive when she proves herself... People must earn their forgiveness you know.
• It’s not that I will not forgive, but he needs to suffer for his actions.
Hey, this kind of thinking... This kind of talk is evidence of the fact that most of us need some teaching on the subject of forgiveness... RIGHT?
Well, how do we do it — How can we learn to forgive?
First, we must understand why we need to forgive
Do you know tonight why it is important that we learn to forgive one another? Do we?
Number one, because it is commanded by God.
Listen to these scriptures that admonish us to be forgiving:
• Ephesians 4.31-32 says, Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, for
giving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
• Listen to Colossians 3.12-14, Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Church is there any doubt tonight that God wants us to forgive one another?
Number 2, because our forgiveness from God hinges on our forgiving others.
Isn’t it ridiculous?... We loudly proclaim, repent and be baptized for the remission of your sins. We can’t seem to understand, why people can’t see the truth of this simple command. And yet we don’t seem to understand, that the same Bible just as emphatically states; that those of us who are not willing to forgive others will not be forgiven by God. Listen to these verses:
• First from Matthew 6.12-15, Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
• Again from Mark 11.25, And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, (WHY?) so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
• How about Luke 6.37, Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. (Listen now) Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Church, can any statement from Scripture be any plainer than these? Do these scriptures scare us? They should, if we are holding a grudge, refusing to forgive someone; be it a spouse, a child, parent, colleague or brother or sister in the church. Audience, do we understand tonight that God forgives us in proportion to our forgiving one another?... Do we? What a sobering thought!
The third reason, we need to forgive is that the good life demands it.
Jesus came to give us the good life... That’s John 10.10, I have come that they may have life, and have it to the fullest... That you might have life and have it more abundantly. When we disobey the commands of Jesus, we loose the good life that He has promised. The Bible is the operational manual for the human species. Violate it and we are less happy than we could be. How many people do you know who are unhappy... Yes, even miserable, simply because they will not... Have not... And have no intentions of forgiving others. You see, sometime we are miserable because of our own choices. Choose to be happy... Choose to forgive.
The fourth reason we ought to forgive is because relationships are worth it.
• An unforgiving spirit is what causes divorcee.
• An unforgiving spirit robs us of a close relationship with our children.
• An unforgiving spirit alienates us from our parents.
• An unforgiving spirit divides churches.
• An unforgiving spirit destroys friendships.
• An unforgiving spirit keeps us from enjoying the fellowship God created us for.
I love the true story Ruble Shelly used to tell about forgiveness. A woman walked down the church aisle... Confessed her sin of marital infidelity. Tears streamed down her cheek as the preacher read her statement. Then there was movement in the audience. An individual came putting their hand lovingly around her shoulder... Comforted her. Hugged her closely. It was her husband.
Folk, that’s forgiveness... That’s forgiveness... Relationships are worth it... The question is, are we willing to forgive?
Secondly tonight We need to understand what forgiveness is.
Notice quickly what forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness is not forgetting.
I meet with:
• Husbands and wives,
• Church members,
• And those who used to be friends,
Every week who are suffering because they have forgiven people but can’t forget. So, they think they haven’t forgiven.
Hey, you’re not a computer. You just can’t hit the delete key and your mind be clear... That’s not the way God made us. In the area of forgiveness, forgetting means we no longer act on the basis of that incident any longer. It is out of life’s formula... It’s out of the loop... Gone. We can deliberately choose to see that incident as if it never happened. Certainty we can’t forget it. The hurt will be there for months, maybe years, perhaps a lifetime, but we have the power to make that incident of no consequence in our relationship.
Forgiveness is not repressing the conflict.
He has hurt me, but I forgive him.... Ever heard that statement? When I hear a wife say those words, the first thing I say is, DOES HE KNOW THAT? Genuine forgiveness is bringing the problem to the surface and dealing with it in love and truth... Not repressing it.
Forgiveness is not white-washing sin... Or giving our approval to sin.
I hear this all the time... If I forgive my husband of his adultery, I’ll just be agreeing with his actions... NO! If I forgive that preacher, people will think I am agreeing with him... NO! When we sin, repent and petition God for forgiveness... Does that mean that God is agreeing or participating on our sins... Of course not. We need to learn that forgiveness does not mean that we are giving our approval to sin.
OK, let’s notice what forgiveness really is.
Forgiveness needs to begin with repentance.
I must remind you of what you already know... That is this... Almost always, if not always; human ruptured relationships are NOT the total fault of one person. There are always two sides... It takes two make a relationship worthwhile. And folk, it generally takes two to rupture that relationship. I have never been in a counseling situation where everything was the total fault of one party. Church, that means some repentance is in order.
• Forgiveness begins with a broken contrite heart.
• Forgiveness is made possible by our being poor in spirit.
• Forgiveness is a blessing to those willing to mourn their sins, their faults, in a relationship.
• Forgiveness flourishes when we are meek, humble, enough to confess such sin and fault.
One thief on the cross went to paradise, the other went to hell. What made the difference?..
• A broken contrite heart.
• Being poor in spirit.
• Mourning his sin.
• Being meek enough to confess his fault.
Repentance it is a must in this matter of forgiveness.
Secondly forgiveness is letting go of revenge.
We must get out of the punishment business. I’m going to forgive him, but he needs to hurt a while. Since when do we think we could take over God’s position. Listen to Romans 12.19, Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. Church, punishment is not ours to hand out... This is God’s work... Let’s leave it there. Revenge, retaliation is time consuming, it eats at our heart.... And our gut. Do you have any idea how many people are under a doctor’s care tonight because of their carrying around anger, revenge and retaliation?
Listen to Jesus on this idea of revenge, "You have heard that it was said, `Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist (Who?) an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
Number three, forgiveness means we quit counting.
Peter said, OK Jesus give us the bottom line... How many time do I forgive?... 3, 5, 7? The going Jewish rate was three, so I’m sure Peter thought he was being generous. Jesus replied, no Peter 70 times 7. Jesus wasn’t giving Peter another number. He was saying, Peter stop counting. People who count never really forgive. Aren’t you glad God doesn’t count? Genuine forgiveness means we too must stop counting.
Then fourthly tonight, we need to understand that forgiveness is from God.
We need to understand, that even when it seems impossible that we can ever forgive; He will empower us to do what He has ask of us... Even to the extent of forgiving our enemies.
A Turkish soldier beat a Christian prisoner until he was semiconscious.
While he kicked him, he demanded, what can your Jesus do for you now?
The Christian quietly, humbly, replied, He can give me strength to forgive you. You see the choice is ours. We can forgive, if we want to, God will enable us. Are we willing?
I want to close the lesson by reading a thought from Phillip Yancey.
Forgiveness breaks the cycle. It does not settle all question of blame and justice and fairness: To the contrary, often it evades these questions. But it does allow relationships to start over. In this way, we differ from all animals. It is not our capacity to think that makes us different, but our capacity to repent, and to forgive. Only humans can perform that most unnatural act, and by doing so only they can develop and maintain relationships that transcend the relentless low of nature.
God offers us forgiveness tonight for all our sins by:
• Faith,
• Repentance,
• And New Testament baptism, immersion in water.
And He tells us of a way to have continued forgiveness. Church, that way includes our willingness to forgive others.
• Is there someone you need to forgive tonight?
• Is there someone you need to ask to forgive you?
The invitation is yours. Will you FORGIVE?